I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize