The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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