Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
