...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
