I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize