the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Don't tell me you're on acid again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
