Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
