You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
