I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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