Dual....:-)
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
