Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
