if you like me you must not know who I am
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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