I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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