THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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