I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
