ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think my fart just growled at me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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