he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
