Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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