Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
