I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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