I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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