Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's blow job season.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
FUCK WHALES
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
