i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
