piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
