Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
