i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
