I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
