Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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