she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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