Someone shit on the floor
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
