neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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