I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
