I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
