ADVERTISEMENT

• (313): View more from Michigan

  Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  I would love to give you more rug burn

  Fav 5 2481 757

  share tweet
  

• (937): View more from Ohio

  I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  I see you've learned your lesson.

  Fav 12 6916 1279

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (765): View more from Indiana

  I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.

  Fav 12 3255 1204

  share tweet
  

• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?

  Fav 9 1451 3514

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.

  Fav 13 2642 1605

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.

  Fav 3 1037 1628

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (801): View more from Utah

  Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible

  Fav 3 627 445

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...

  Fav 1 659 849

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.

  Fav 0 700 1011

  share tweet
  

• (419): View more from Ohio

  Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.

  Fav 2 685 1027

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail

  Fav 0 672 427

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (519): View more from Ontario

  I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.

  Fav 2 408 428

  share tweet
  

• (951): View more from California

  Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?

  Fav 0 479 147

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I was wondering where the donuts went.

  Fav 0 8 32

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness

  Fav 0 34 39

  share tweet
  

Randomize