Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

I only kidnapped one of them. chill

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(773): View more from Illinois

Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.

Fav 43 4446 1939
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(563): View more from Iowa

I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.

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(214): View more from Texas

i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.

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(516): View more from New York

You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.

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(319): View more from Iowa

you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met

(1-319): View more from Iowa

thanks it was an honor just to be nominated

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(954): View more from Florida

My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him

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(562): View more from California

The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.

Fav 4 1175 1033
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch

Fav 2 27 59
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