he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
