A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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