I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You are the jesus of drinking
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
