And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
