i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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