Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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