I just cut my nipple shaving
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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