I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
