toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
