Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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