I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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