I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
