My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
