so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
