i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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