there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
