But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
