I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
