Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
