Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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