I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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