I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
