You made me cry and you don't even care
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
