i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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