I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
