I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
