Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
