Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
