i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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