What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
