I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
